Note: full understanding of this post may require knowledge of Cixin Liu’s Remembrance of Earth’s Past trilogy (or at least the 3 Body Problem show on Netflix).
Relationships can become stale sometimes. All you talk about is work. You eat dinner in front of a screen and end up binge-watching shows. You don’t have anything to look forward to.
Have you tried reading science fiction together?
Truthfully, this post should probably be titled “How reading Cixin Liu will improve your relationships.” If you haven’t seen 3 Body Problem yet, I highly recommend watching this show on Netflix. If you like reading and/or can’t wait for Season 2 to come out, I even more highly recommend reading Cixin Liu’s Remembrance of Earth’s Past trilogy.
My Beloved A and I have been reading the trilogy together, somewhat simultaneously. I’ve finished the final installment, Death’s End, and A is nearing the end.
While reading the series, book discussions have become a standing part of our daily conversations. Reading Liu’s trilogy has reinvigorated our conversations (and relationship) in the following ways:
We have more inside jokes.
The great thing about sci-fi is that it introduces new ideas, specifically new terminology. Perhaps there are people who use these terms regularly (maybe a physicist or astrologist in the case of Liu’s trilogy). For us regular people, it felt like we gained so many new ideas.
Here are some of the references/inside jokes derived from Liu’s books:
- We placed 3 balls next to one of our cats as she slept in the cat tree: “A three-body problem!”
- A loves soup and finds it especially comforting after a long (frustrating) day at work. We joke that he’s been “rehydrated”.
- When we get into a tickle war or play-wrestle, we find clever strategies to deter the other person: “deterrence”.
- We ponder whether we are in a “stable era” or a “chaotic era”, due to a great deal of uncertainty we are feeling now (though it comes with a side of security).
- When faced with a problem that is completely out of our control, we acknowledge the feeling of “defeatism”—wanting to give up because we may not ever see the resolution of the problem.
We discuss our values.
Cixin Liu constantly touches on ethics and humanity in his books, which are about the survival of the human race in the face of extraterrestrial circumstances. In discussing the books, we find ourselves being philosophical, pondering:
- What is most exciting (or troubling) about future technologies
- What sacrifices we would make for the sake of humanity’s survival
- The ethics of choices made by key players and the collective human race
*Warning: Conversations about ethics and morality can easily become heated and can also be triggering. It helps to take a breath and remind yourself that this is a conversation to learn more about the other person. Try not to judge them even if your first reaction is “How could you even think that way?!”
You may feel like lashing out to share why their thoughts feel disturbing and why you disagree, but try asking a clarifying question instead. See if you can understand the basis of their belief or how their experience has resulted in their perspective.
If you are feeling too triggered, know that it’s also okay to move on from the particular topic or question.
We have better conversations.
Who doesn’t love gossip? But I think for many of us, there comes a time when we realize that gossip doesn’t fulfill our need to have a greater sense of purpose or desire to have conversations about things that move us forward in life, rather than those keeping us mired in resentment.
Overall, our conversations feel more:
- Positive
- Inspired
- Imaginative
- Stimulating
- Meaningful
I look forward to pestering A every day, “so where are you in the book now?” I can’t wait to hear his thoughts on the next shocking turn of events.
I also feel like I’ve learned a lot more about him as a person. We agree on many things but sometimes, an idea of his feels like it comes out of left field for me. It’s been interesting to work backward from the presented idea to the core of his beliefs and experiences.
Conclusion
Reading sci-fi with someone is a great way to reinvigorate your relationship. It’s pretty wholesome, I think. And reading is good for you, right?
Additionally, you may find that it can cure you (at least partially) of your streaming service addiction. I’ve been excited about being excited to continue reading to find out what happens next.
Further, reading fiction in general can fuel creativity in your daily life, exercising your imagination as you read and reflect.
Has reading sci-fi (or reading in general) brought positive changes to your life and relationships? Comment below with your thoughts. I would love to hear your story.
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